I’d like to be totally honest. My issue with all of this post-child sitting is not in the fact that I feel sloppy or fat or ugly. It’s not in the fact that I spend most days, until about 3:00, in exercise pants with dirty hair. It’s not in the fact that I can’t keep my nails looking nice or find the time to actually do my hair. My issue is that sometimes I just don’t feel relevant.
Let me stop you, please, before you have a chance to comment. I know that I am relevant to my little Silvia. I know that my life lived any other way would change her. I know, too, that I am relevant to Ryan…and to my parents and siblings and friends….
But since I said I’d be honest, I’ll be honest. It’s that I’m afraid that I’m losing relevancy to other people. That because I’m choosing to be home instead of in front of a TV camera right now, people will stop caring about me. Or stop wondering about me.
I’m afraid that I’m becoming irrelevant out there in the big-girl world.
So here’s how I get through ot. First, because I’m just a yoga-pants wearing mortal, I pray for guidance and a greater wisdom than I can come up with on my own. Then I look over at the sweet face of Silvia and I remember that she won’t be like this forever. We will, however, always have TVs and TV shows. There will always be jobs to be had and meetings to attend.
But this…this sweet face, as she looked up at me this morning from her snack cup and dolly, won’t be here forever.
So, I make peace with it again and again and find a thousand things to be thankful for in the stillness of the day…Silvia’s cute little bottom stuffed into her pants as she walks around the house, Ryan having a morning at home with us, and me being able to be home and finding the relevancy in just that.
I (as I assume most moms, particularly stay-at-home moms) can relate to this post ten-fold. It’s easy to be complacent or feel unfulfilled or that things aren’t 50-50 at home or God forbid, “fair” when you are home and others aren’t. I try to remember each day what a gift it truly is to stay home with your children… That you are ABLE to do it (not everyone can) that you WANT to do it (not everyone does) and that clearly, you are doing it well (see above re: not everyone can 😉 ). You are still “out there” and important in the “big girl world” don’t be fooled…. But do you really care, knowing when Silvia is out there in the “big girl world” she will be who she is, doing what she does… Because of what you are doing for her and with her today?! It’s easy to get antsy, easy to want more, easy to wonder “what if” but so so hard to be in the now, be in the present and truly be present for Silvia…..and what a great “present” you are to her (and the rest of us in big girl world) for doing just that!!!
I love that you are able to be a stay at home mom right now as like you said, your daughter does too! Not sure if it helps in any way but I actually have not yet bought your book and have it saved on my wish list to buy so I get it at New Year’s…so you ARE still relevant, I do stop from time to time and think…wonder what Sara Snow would think about eating this or cleaning with this, that I thought – enough, time to buy her book! SO….you do still matter – when you leave an impact on people’s awareness it never goes away!
Cherish your time with Sylvia, we will all still be here, in fact we have never left. 🙂
Wow, I have felt the exact same way since leaving my job 9 nine months ago when I had my baby girl. But we are truly blessed to be able to stay at home with our babies since they need us more than anyone else needs us in that big-girl world. But I still feel like you are out there making a difference, Sara! I love reading your blog, video and article posts.
Wow, talk about relevant. I need this after a few weeks at home, in my yoga clothes, not showering till 3, with my one year old! we will never get this time back, I should be enjoying it instead of worrying about leaving the house without makeup on. Thank you!
My son is now 21. It flies by. However, I remember wondering and feeling the same as you. Being home with your child is wonderful and hard. Hang in there. You are doing important work!
Sara I feel like you are MORE relevant now because you’re a stay at home momma like so many of us. Just relevant to a new group is all:) keep the good stuff coming on the blog:)
You are much more relevant to me now, than you were before. I can relate to you now since I too was a super career driven woman who has made a decision (with my husband of course) to stay at home full time with my son. My favorite blog of yours is the one you wrote about not missing first class status with flying. I had fun traveling for work, but I am SO glad those days are over. Keep on blogging. You may have lost some followers of yours, but I think you’re gaining a new audience:)